Unfortunately, domestic violence exists in many relationships, and often forms the basis of many divorces and separations. Domestic violence affects people in many types of relationships, but the law protects everyone equally, whether the parties are married or unmarried, living together or apart, separated or dating. Domestic violence is not limited to physical abuse, but also sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse.

Some examples of emotional abuse are:

* Disrespect, attacks on your self-esteem. The person may call you derogatory names or criticize the way you look and what you do in a destructive way. They make you feel that you can’t do anything right. When something goes wrong they make you feel as if it is your fault. They yell at you, and make humiliating, embarrassing or belittling remarks in front of others. They erupt into tirades or violent fits of screaming anger.
* Pressure, manipulation and control. The abuser refuses to listen or take anything you have to say seriously. They twist what you say and turn it around against you; they tell you what to do, trying to make you feel bad or wrong if you don’t do what they say. They “pout” if you do not do what they want and they “know what’s best for you” thereby replacing your judgment with theirs.
* Economic control and isolation. The offender refuses to let you work or undermines or interferes with your work (this is often subtle or overt); they refuse to let you go to school or start a career; they control the money, refusing to give you any; they take your car or car keys, preventing you from getting around; they control your time and who you spend time with, telling you who you can see and where you can and cannot go, making you account for your time.
* Harassment, repetition, hounding. They make uninvited visits or calls; they refuse to leave when you ask them to; they follow you; they embarrass you in public.

Often these examples of emotional abuse lead to physical abuse. The following behaviors may be leading up to physical abuse:

* Physical menacing or intimidation: Making angry or threatening gestures; towering over you in a menacing way; standing in the doorway or cornering you during an argument, thereby blocking your escape; driving recklessly while you are in the car; throwing or breaking things, punching walls or kicking doors.
* Threats: The person threatens you or your family. These threats must be taken seriously.
* Pushing and shoving: This is the beginning of more direct physical violence. During this phase, the abuser is testing the limits. If this phase is tolerated, the violence will escalate.
* Sexual pressure or assaults: The abuser forces you to perform sexual acts that you feel are degrading; forcing you to have sex when you don’t want to.

In an effort to address the problems created by domestic violence, the North Carolina General Assembly has enacted section 50B of the General Statutes. This section describes the civil remedies available to individuals who are subject to domestic violence. First and foremost, the statutes provide for the removal of any individual who has committed acts of domestic violence from the home to protect the victim.

To initiate an action under section 50B, one must file appropriate paperwork with the Clerk of Court in the county where the alleged event occurred. The Clerk will forward the paperwork to the judge, who will ask you questions about the events that you have alleged. If the judge finds that acts of domestic violence have occurred, he or she will issue a domestic violence protective order and set a return hearing date within 10 days. The most important part of this proceeding is that it is conducted ex parte, meaning without the presence of the other party who has committed the acts of domestic violence.

The return date is set to allow a sheriff to serve the protective order on the other party. On the hearing date, the court, in the presence of both parties, will make a final determination as to whether the domestic violence occurred. If the court concludes that acts of domestic violence in fact occurred, the court may take any number of actions, including but not limited to a restraining order for a period of one year, temporary custody of any children, and temporary support. Any order entered by the court will be valid for one year unless the court sets a shorter date, or a petition to extend the order is filed and granted.

What these protective orders mean for victims of domestic violence is that the offender may not contact the victim in any manner, including emails, telephone calls, voicemails, or indirect contact through third parties. Any such contact will violate the order and subject the party to immediate arrest, and they will be jailed pending a bond.

Often but not always, a criminal assault or other charge is filed in conjunction with a domestic violence action under Chapter 50B. This is a very serious matter, and you should consult your attorney prior to dealing with either your Chapter 50B case or your criminal matter, as the same evidence that may be introduced in one may be used at the other hearing even though the outcomes and consequences are different. The criminal matter is a charge depending on your prior record that may involve jail time and should not be taken lightly.

If you are the victim or the alleged perpetrator of domestic violence, it is important to know what the laws are surrounding the North Carolina Domestic Violence laws. Further, it is important to understand how a domestic violence action may ultimately affect your custody, visitation, alimony or other such rights as the divorce and separation progresses.

Ms. Alexander and Ms. Doyle are licensed to practice in the state of North Carolina. The firm of Alexander & Doyle, PA does not seek to represent you based upon your visit or review of this website. The material included in this website is not intended as legal advice. Readers should not act on information contained in this material without professional legal counseling. This is an advertisement.